Lier

You lived in the apartment behind my Portland flat.

You worked at the grocery across the street. You invited me to come and listen to Fleetwood Mac's new album. You took my hand and led me into your dark apartment. You were a gentle young man,18, shy,and polite. I been raped a few months before and I was afraid. You smiled and convinced me all you wanted was to be my friend. I believed you. I was alone and facing cancer and I needed a friend.

I drove myself to the hospital for the surgery. I was only 20. I arrived with my suitcase and a photo of my boyfriend Doug and myself which I put beside the bed. I told the nurses about Doug and that he was in California. A priest came to talk to be before the surgery. I'm certain he meant to set my mind at ease, but instead he left me feeling like I would die that day. I went under ready to pass.

I woke up back in my hospital room. There was movement all around me and hands exploring my body - adjusting my clothing and in my drugged state - I assumed it was the nurses. My vision cleared and you were in my room. You were removing my hospital gown. The nurses had let you into my room because you told them you were my boyfriend. I tried to call out for help, but I'd just had surgery to remove a lymph node in my neck. I was bandaged and in pain. You kept saying you were there to take care of me. I fought you and the noise brought the nurses and you ran.

I should have had them call the police. I should have sued them for letting you into my room. I should have trusted my own mind that you had really been there, but I was 20 and nothing seemed real then.

The lymph node was sent to the lab but determined not to be cancerous. It was strange though, as it was grey and crumbled once removed. Atrophied. My tonsils had done the same thing. I was not dying. But I was in pain, both from the surgery and the intense back pain from the anesthetic. I did not know then I had defect in my spine.

I was trapped in my flat. Flat on my back, in intense pain and taking so many drugs I was in and out of consciousness. I had no one to come and take care of me. A part of me wished I had died rather than be in so much pain and alone.

I woke up with you in my bed. You had broken into my flat. I was groggy and limp and you repeated what you'd said in my hospital room, you were there to take care of me.

You lied.