The missing

You were born on my birthday so it's no wonder we are so alike.

Can a mother and son be twins? I could read you like no one else. And you me. It was both wondrous and annoying. We could see when the other was frustrated and when the world went dark. You always knew what to tell me to bring me back. I did my best to let you find your own way while letting you know I was always just a hand's reach away.

Tonight, I am much further than that.
But I think my concern is as much for myself as for you.

You are setting up your dorm room tonight. Beginning your own life. I know you can conquer your frustrations and find the light in the darkness. I know you will call or text or email if you need me. And I know I need to let go.

For weeks you've been saying "I am leaving..." and it felt like you wanted me to say I would miss you and that I did not know how I would live without you. I could not say those things. Yesterday I said " how can I miss you when you haven't left yet?

I miss you now.