Middle bits

I was 19 the summer I came home to get married. I moved into a corner of my parent's basement. My fiance was not allowed to sleep with me. I huddled in my cave listening to the music of 1973 and feeling overwhelmed. "killing me softly with his song" "the morning after" "could it be I'm falling in love""sing" The light in the room as a high window well through which I could see nothing.

All of the talents I'd shown in school were worthless now. I was back home, a nobody, waiting to get married to another nobody for no good reason. Getting married seemed like my only path to freedom.

I cried a lot that summer. I created no art. No friends came to comfort me. Loneliness led me to the Pizza Hut where I applied for a waitress job. No experience, 19 years old, you took pity on me and gave me a chance. And I bloomed.

I spilled as much beer as I carried. The fishbowls they called mugs were top heavy and awkward. But somehow I charmed the patrons into finding it funny when they got drenched. I would make myself green olive pizzas and chat with the other waitresses. At the Pizza Hut I laughed all day. You were a  wonderful boss. At 27 you seemed so sophisticated and I found your long brown hair and hazel eyes sexy. One night after closing you asked me to stay.

You asked me why I was getting married. It had gotten to the point where the wedding was just a few weeks away. I felt there was no stopping it now. I was trapped, besides, "no one but my fiance would want me." You took my face in his hands and pulled me you "I would want you. I do want you. Don't you know how beautiful you are? A million guys would be chasing after you, while settle for this one?"

I crumpled into your arms and cried. You dried my tears on the back of your hand and kissed me. You was smiling as I left. I was shaking. I wanted to jump ship and be with you. A man's attention coupled with attraction overpowered my other senses. I wanted that. I wanted it bad.

Laying in the dark of my basement space, reason took over. To be drawn to you was cheating. The possibility it would become a relationship, slim. I could not imagine giving up a relationship without having another for support. I dreamed about you for years to relive that feeling of being desired.