Justifiable

You are a mess. 

It's over but you can't let go. 

The same insecurities and self doubt that lead you sleep with him  - also filled you with guilt. You had to believe you were in love, You were the one who could change him - one he could not live without. You felt alive, sexy, desired, impulsive. The progression from flirtation to sex was easy once you had justified being in love.

It's over.

It changed nothing in his life.

You'd shared yourself intimately with him in ways you had stopped sharing with your partner. You imagined a future with him. You had to believe that or the angst would wash over you like ice water. You had to believe it was love or that ache your heart where you knew it was wrong would swallow you whole.

You said I love you and he said it back because he was not ready to stop fucking you. You gave your body to him time and again, but did not know he was in control until he grew tired of you and moved on. You saw him, intimate with another girl and it brought you to your knees. The longer he ignored you, the more obsessed you became, You had lied and manipulated your partner into believing there was nothing going on and now you could not share your pain with the one person who knew you best.

It changed nothing in his life.

But not in your dreams.

He is with you again. He is sorry for how much he hurt you, He pulls you into his arms and whispers that he never stopped loving you. The curtain of guilt rises and you leave everything and everyone to be with him.

The curtain falls.
You wake up