Just the way you are

I know you love me. You tell over and over, "I love you!" Abundant and plentiful as tap water, "I love you's" flow from your mouth. I don't know why you need to say it as often as you do. But you do. That's just the way you are.

I know you love your friends. You spend hour after hour, day after day online - connected through games and team speak. Their voices echoing yours as laughter spills from the office. I don't know why you choose online over the real world as often as you do. But you do. That's just the way you are.

Once upon a time, I was not sure "I love you" was enough.I found my heart pulled by another who also said "I love you" but who did not live online with his friends. I know it hurt you. I will never stop feeling bad for hurting you. I know you don't want to remember that time. But you do. That's just the way you are.

When I was "not sure" I found myself thin and fit. I had lost weight. I almost lost us. You said "choose me." And I did. And then I gained and gained. And in the past 10 years when I've tried to lose what I gained, you'd say say "I love you just the way you are." You say "You aren't supposed to be thin." You say "Eat, eat. You can't lose weight. You've always been big." That's just the way you are.

I felt so guilty over hurting you that I padded my body to keep anyone but you from finding me attractive. I think you are afraid if I lose weight, you'll lose me.