No place like home

I would sit cross legged on the floor transfixed by the small TV as Dorothy clicked her ruby slippers together and repeated the magic words "There's no place like home."

In a heartbeat she was returned to her family's farmhouse in Kansas where it appeared that all she had experienced was just a dream. "You were there, and you and you!" Each would laugh and stroke her head or shoulder, she'd been through a whirlwind and returned to her life forever changed.

No place like home.

I grew up in a small town the the middle of Kansas. I believed if I wished hard enough I would be picked up and taken to the magical world I must really be from. Kansas could not possibly be my home. Yes, I lived there with my parents and my sister and my dog Prissy. Yes, I had grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends, but where was my destiny? I could sing like Dorothy and knew every song by heart. I could walk a block to the cornfields that surrounded our little town and when the tornados threatened, I dreamed of running out to be lifted up into the world of my dreams. Somewhere over the rainbow - where dreams come true.

I would climb trees and play structures and roofs to be as close as I could to the blue Kansas sky. I would lay in the cool grass and read the signs in the ever changing clouds. And I grew up.

We moved to Colorado where in some places the mountain tops seemed like stairs to Oz. I imagined if I just climbed high enough - through the clouds - the magic would explode around me. But we lived where it was flat. And when I finally got a trip in a friend's father's plane - I saw that the clouds above are only air.

I left home at 18 to go to college, came back briefly to get married, then off again and into my own life. It seemed to me that maybe it was the leaving home that would bring my Oz to me. But no. My life just changed and grew to fit me like a glove. And when I finally arrived in California, if felt a bit like Oz. San Francisco glittered like the Emerald City and there were wizards behind every innovation. It was so easy to believe I had found my place.

I built my business and my life there - I married, divorced - married again, divorced again and finally settled in with an unlikely partner. A boy - just 19 to my 41 living his life in his mother's basement in Ohio. Like the scarecrow, he danced into my life to point the way to happiness. Like the Lion, he helped me find the courage to walk a different path. Like the tin man, I was the oil can that freed him to walk the path with me. Together we found we shared a heart and a dream  - to make our home together.

We've lived in our Oz for 14 years. It's been a rocky road because a dream is not enougth. As one child flew on, and then the other - homesickness  slipped over us like sleeping poppies. The dream of snow falling outside out bedroom window made us to realize there is nothing behind the curtain.

Hand and hand we are clicking our heals now.

And you'll be there. And you. And you. And all of you.

Anonymous

Words can say a lot about a person.  

you have been leaving coments on my msn page stay of it i dont no how you got into my site and i no i didnt add you so i.ll be reporting you to the computer company aswell as the intenational police for fraud.this is not a joke so dont fcken treat it like it is!

You are right. It is not funny. 

You are afraid. You are hurting.

If I had left comments for you, they would have been positive.

If I had left comments for you, they would not have been anonymous.

When you're smiling

My mother thought I should be just like you.

Or rather, she pointed out that my popularity "problem" could be easily remedied by putting a smile on my face. Debbie, you are so pretty when you smile! While I had my dark teenage moments, you seemed to be eternally upbeat. The only difference between you and her is that she smiles all the time! 

I did look up to you. You were a Senior when I was a Sophomore. You were active in my youth group at church. You were head cheerleader, home coming queen. You were pretty.  You got A's and where ever you were, there was always a crowd around you. I have a yearbook full of smiling  photos of you. You seemed to have it all. I understood why my mother wanted me to be like you. You were the daughter parents could put on a pedestal. The good girl with a great attitude and a solid future.

Our mothers were friends. When you invited me to come along with you to a bonfire, I knew my mother had asked your mother to ask you to ask me. Take Debbie. If only she can see more of how you make friends she can learn how to make friends too.

I was 15. I was nervous. I knew it was a set up but I really did want to see how the popular kids had fun. The entire football team would be there. I was terrified.  I would say or do something stupid. I was ugly and a smile was not going to change that. You were perfect. 

The bonfire illuminated the dirt and brush and at it's edges kids mingled in small groups drinking beer. At school I was ignored, so when you left me on my own it was expected. Watching you drink beer and make out with guys was not. Drinking beer in my mind was BREAKING THE LAW. Kissing someone who was not your boyfriend was nasty. You smiled and laughed. When it came time to take me home, you put me in the back seat with Mr. Football star.  It was classic - end of the party, end of the beer, even Debbie looks pretty good now. You were making out in the front seat while the most popular guy in school slipped his arm around me and pulled me in for a kiss. Popular or not. Handsome of not. It felt nasty. I felt nasty. All I wanted was to be taken home.

I'm sure my rebuff of him was the talk of the school. Who does she think she is?

I never looked at you the same way after that. Your smile hid more than it showed. My mother continued to encourage me to smile more and to ask you to go out again. Debbie, I'm sure she would love to take you along to more outings if you'd just ask her. Right. High School is easy like that.

It was years later that I found out you'd gone mad.

You stayed in our little town. One day you put you drew the curtains and refused to let your children leave your darkened home.  God had told you that the devil was in electricity. 

One day you just stopped smiling.